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Breakup
The Philosophy of a Breakup
·
Maybe it's not
a Madness
· How
to Kill a Relationship
·
Maintaining Your Dignity
·
Things to
Help You Wallow
·
Breakups
are for Everyone
·
Breaking
up with Style
· Break Up? Here's to YOU!
·
Commitment-Phobe-Hee-Haw
·
The 8 Stages of Relationships
·
More...
The Lighter Side of Breaking Up
·
Your Breakup Look
· Proverbs
for the Fridge
· The
Breakup Bumper Sticker
· "Hello,
John...?"
·
Instant
Messenger Break Up
·
More...
The Healing Side of a Breakup
·
Singlehood is GOOD!
·
Does
My Ex Miss
Me?
·
How
to Meet Men
·
Meeting Someone New (or
Old)
· Dating Tips
for the Tipless
·
Communication...
what?
· Flirting
is an Art ;)
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Track
Two: What Happens When the Power Struggle is Over?
Stage 5: Anger
If the power struggle is not negotiated successfully, at some point one or
both partners give up struggling. However they do not give up on the issues,
on their needs, or their positions. They simply give up struggling. Because
nothing has been resolved during or after the power struggle, they only have
one choice -- anger. Anger can look obvious and belligerent, or quiet and
passive. Either way, it is unmistakable.
-
When it starts and how long it
lasts:
This stage starts after
the power struggle has gone on too long. One or both partners have burned
out from not getting their needs met continuously. This often does not start
for years; but once started, is very difficult to turn around.
-
The joy: There is not much joy
in anger.
-
The stumbling block: One or both
people can be depressed, numb, and miserable -- a difficult place from which
to affect change. This stage can kill a relationship, and is often the point
in a relationship during which one or both partners have affairs.
-
What to do: Get help! Find a
therapist, a coach, or other relationship assistance and be willing to give
the relationship another few good tries. This is not a stage you can fix
by yourselves or with a book -- you need a good, solid third-party perspective.
Stage 6: Peace with a Price
Even anger can burn out after a while, leaving behind nothing but silence
and often indifference. The couple, if they have made it together this far,
will typically live parallel but separate lives. They will still interact
on necessary issues -- such as child rearing and household responsibilities
-- but will share little else. They will finally have peace, no longer demanding
anything from the other, but love and passion may be all but lost.
-
When it starts and how long it
lasts:
This stage can take years to develop
and is often found in long-term marriages and relationships. Occasionally,
this can be a phase in a fairly new relationship. Once in this stage, the
couple normally does not grow out of it, unless something drastic shakes
them up.
-
The joy: At least there is
peace.
-
The stumbling block: One or both
partners may be having affairs, which makes reconciliation much more difficult.
One or both may have built a life too separate from the other to allow for
change and improvement.
-
What to do: If you are in this
stage and miserable, get help. Even if your partner is not willing to do
anything to improve the relationship, you can still go to a therapist or
a coach. You can single-handedly improve your life and perhaps your relationship.
Stage 7: "The Child"
A "child" can be real children or it can be an idea, business, or an involvement
both of you share. For a couple on Track Two, this stage is rarely a choice.
It is either something that binds them together out of circumstances, or
it is something one partner devised in an attempt to keep the other one from
leaving or straying too far.
-
When it starts and how long it
lasts: For many couples, this stage can be the last attempt to save the
relationship. This stage can happen at any time the relationship is deeply
threatened.
-
The joy: The joy is the actual
entity you create together, especially if it is a child. This third entity
can change your relationship dynamics somewhat, some of the time.
-
The stumbling block: A child or
a mutual involvement will not save the relationship without addressing the
deeper, unresolved issues from the power struggle.
-
What to do: If you can, try to
work through the underlying issues that are preventing your relationship
from working.
Stage 8: Life Crisis
Very few people live a charmed life without life crises. When your relationship
is in ongoing crisis -- actively or silently -- change of even small magnitude
can feel like life crisis. A true life crises, such as health of financial
issues, can be downright overwhelming.
-
When it starts and how long it
lasts: Life crises can happen at any time.
-
The joy: If there is joy in life
crisis it is in the chance to shake your relationship up, and perhaps remind
each of you how important the other one is or used to be. It may be your
last chance to save your relationship.
-
The stumbling block: Because you
are already in crisis, any additional crises runs the risk of immobilizing
you. You may no longer be able to function within the relationship. You or
your partner may simply leave.
-
What to do: Use this as an opportunity
to support each other and reconnect. Come together as a team against the
situation.
Beyond Stage 8: Life Happens, But Separately
What happens to a couple who never resolves the power struggle issues? They
may go their separate ways. They may stay together, but effectively live
separate lives and be involved in other relationships. One or both may stay
and suffer silently, holding on to the hope that something will
change.
Regardless, they do not derive many of
the benefits and joys for which people get involved in relationships. They
often do not function as a couple at all.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
-------------------------------------------------------
While it's possible to improve your ability to attract a partner or improve
your current relationship just by reading these articles, you'll probably
find it a lot easier and more fun if you have me as your coach to help you
along.
Click
here to learn more about my coaching services.
-------------------------------------------------------
(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how
to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries
can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term,
healthy partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become
a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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