The Men's ABC Guide to Breaking Up
with Her in Style (How to Break Up With Her)
A is for Another. If she
isn't the right lover for you then find another.
B is for Bash. If
she doesn't want you than you can bash her name all over
C is for Call. Tell her
you will call her, even though you have
absolutely no intention of ever speaking to her again.
D is for Duck. If you see her duck around the corner. Avoid running into her at all
E is for Esteem. Never,
ever leave her with her self-esteem intact. She may just see
you for the scum-sucker that you really are, meet a new man, and get a better
F is for F*ck. Yes, it's
okay to still f*ck her.
G is for Guilt. Don't worry about guilt. These feelings
will pass when you realize just how wrong she did you by loving
H is for Handy. See "F
I is for Insecure. If you are insecure about the breakup tell her you still want to be friends.
That way if you ever change your mind...
J is for Jealousy. Whenever you
see her displaying jealousyover your new playmate tell her
exactly how much better you're doing without her.
Breaking Up With Her continues below....
K is for Kiss. Make sure at the
time of the breakup to give her a deep, throaty, seductive, 10-minute long kiss goodbye. Women love this!
L is for Love. Tell her it hurts
you more than her because you love her so much. This
insures that she will find it very difficult to let
M is for Masturbate. When it becomes
necessary to masturbate -- never, ever fantasize about her.
This can be very damaging to your mental heath and sexual
N is for Narcissistic. This is
a trait that women find most attractive in a man. Narcissistic men don't ever have to go through breakups, even
if they wanted to -- they can never really, truly leave themselves,
O is for Old. Yes, a 26-year-old
is much too old for you! Dump her--you can always find a much
younger woman (maybe your daughter has some friends?...)!
P is for Pity. When you
still see her alone weeks later walk up to her and tell her you pity her her inability to find someone. Remind her again exactly
how much better you're doing without her.
Q is for Quantity. You can
never tell her too much how very wrong she is for you. The quantity of your rejection is what women really want to hear.
R is for Ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous, of course you'll find better.
S is for Sex. See "F
T is for Timing. Timing is
everything. Plan your breakup about the time term papers are due, she is
late with her period, or her mother just died. This way she will be so busy
with other things in her life that she'll breeze right through the
U is for Unnatural. It is unnatural to have any contact with a woman you professed
to love for years. See "D is for...".
V is for Vow. Vow to love her forever--this prevents her from letting go
and moving on. Follow up with "K is for...".
W is for Wink. Wink at
every woman you meet or see. Old ones, young ones, fat ones, skinny ones,
tall ones, short ones. Woman are stupid, they will not know you have no
self-esteem. They will think they are cute.
X is for Xylophone. Everybody
Y is for You. Remember you are the most important factor here. Step on all
Z is for zzzzzzzzz. if you followed
steps A-Y you should be able to get your zzzzzzzzzzz's!
By Tigress Luv
NOTE: Not to be taken without permission
from the owner.
Article by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru