Letting Go After
Article taken from
Tigress Luv's post on the Infidelity Support Board in the Lifted Hearts Relationship Support Boards to a woman who was grieving over her ex-husband and his new wife's seemingly
having everything that she once did before the other woman took it away from
her and left alone with nothing but memories:
I lost two very special people recently - no, the 'world' lost two very special
people. My friend 'N' was killed in an accident involving her horse, and
'R' was cold-bloodedly murdered.
'N' was always smiling.
At her service there were dozens of pictures of her, all with this great
big GENUINE smile, and when I see her in my mind, I see her with that big
smile of hers. She was one of those wonderfully optimistic people that you
just LOVED being near.
I went to 'R''s MySpace page and read some of the HUNDREDS of messages his
friends left him. Almost every one of them said something to the effect of
"I remember when you were there for me"..."You were always there to cheer
me up"..."I remember when you saved that woman's life at the lake" ... "you
always made me smile" and so on.
I literally (no exaggeration) read hundreds of posts all thanking him for
being such a wonderful person, and acknowledging something he had done for
them that made a positive difference in each of their lives - hundreds of
lives he touched in a positive way. His loss to this world is great, and
he was way too young and good to die the way he did.
So after one very sad day I came home at night during a ferocious monsoon
and sat out in my garage with the garage door up and watched the lightning
flashing over the city. I kept saying to God, "Please, God, give me an
epiphany...I need an epiphany from You now, God". I got none. I sat there
and prayed while the lightning flashed all around me.. I prayed and prayed
to God to give me an epiphany on 'why'... anything at all that would help
me make sense of the whole thing, and I got nothing. Nothing at all!
Then I realized that 'no epiphany' was my epiphany. My epiphany was that
there wasn't any epiphany. No great wonders or awes. No reasons or whys.
No wise rationalizations. No justifications. No secret, inner meanings or
peaceful, translucent channels. There just 'is'. Life just 'is'. Death just
'is'. There is no reason or rhyme to it. No great philosophical enchantment
to it. It just 'is'. It's what you do between those two moments in time that
Two very special people have died. What made 'R' and 'N' so special was that
they both lived in the 'now'. They didn't carry their issues around with
them everywhere they went. They didn't drag people down or burden them with
their gloom and doom. They made people smile. They lived their life between
those two moments of time ('birth' and 'death') as beautiful people who left
a positive affect in their wake. People were magnetically drawn to them because
to them life just 'is'. And they lived in the moment. And they were always
smiling. They left a little piece of their smile in everyone's heart to carry
Having no epiphany was perhaps the greatest of all my epiphanies.
Look at all that you have been through - and you're still standing and going
strong - and moving forward! Yay!
I recently wrote an ebook
'How to Win Back
Their Attraction!' (http://winbacktheirattraction.com) and in it I write
about how people have their life story all written out mentally - and it's
all written out in negative. They write their life story emphasizing
all the bad, negative CR*P that has happened to them, and then drag this
story around with them everywhere they go. ('When I was just five years
old this bad thing happened to me, and then when I was 11 'such and such'
ruined my sense of 'so and so'. Then, at the young age of 16, I married a
*Place Bad Adjective Here* who made my life a living hell. After I divorced
the POS I then was involved in a horrible accident that left me partially
....blah blah blah')
Days, weeks, months, years of dragging this story with us to bed, to work,
to the store, to the bar - oh my, can you just see where I am going with
this? Sometimes when we are depressed it is because we are dwelling on the
bad that has happened to us and neglecting to focus on the good. Now, I'm
not saying that the bad things that have happened to you aren't significant!
What I am saying is that by dragging them with you everywhere you go - even
if you are going 'forward' - is giving them the power to steal your present
and future happiness.
I loved this statement from a fellow poster to the woman about her dwelling
on her ex-husband and his new wife: "It doesn't matter; these are not
your people...you need to do things for you and the children." Great
quote! Let those idiots go and give them back to themselves, and then thank
God you are no longer in a relationship where you needed to police a man
to keep him faithful. Who needs that?! Yes, it is sad that it all went the
way it did, but now he is her problem and you get to start anew and problem
free. They can't. They are issue ridden.
And, yes, you are romanticizing a relationship that probably wasn't all that
wonderful - at least, not as wonderful as the little over-glorified bits
and pieces your mind has decided to tell you it was.
Letting go after divorce is one of the hardest things to do, but it can be
done if you play your life forward in a positvive state of mind.
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing
a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've,
would've happened ... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move
the fuck on." ~Tupac
Free From Their Spell! - and stop that magical hold they
have over you...
Article brought to you by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru