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"Sorry, wrong number..."

calling the exHave you placed a slurry, alcohol-induced call, email, or text to your ex at 2 a.m.? Did you feel weak and place a desperate plea for reconciliation or an indignant, angry outburst, letting it all spill out?

If so, don't feel bad. Nearly everyone with a broken heart has made this mistake.

So what can you do to undo this mistake? Well, the best thing would have been to save your pride and not to have done it to begin with. But, of, course, it's too late now so you must deal with the pain of rejection afresh and anew, and then just get on with your life.


"But I want to call her/him! I want to hear her/his voice and try to reason with them and try to MAKE THEM SEE THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!"

If you absolutely, positively feel that you MUST call your ex or you will explode then here is a method that will help stop you from making that call to your ex...

....Make the call IN YOUR HEAD!!! That's right. Think about everything you will say to them and think about how they will answer you. I'm sure you know your ex well enough to know how they will respond to a call from you.

Are you ready? Start dialing .......rrriiiiinggggg......rriinnnggggg......You hear the phone being picked up on the other end of the line...their familiar, but cold and perturbed voice says, "hello?" or maybe "yeah?" (as my ex would do if he saw the call originating from me),

Okay, now you say "Hi, it's me" and then continue on...what will you say to your ex?

Now place his/her answer/statement here
" __________________-_____________________________________".

Now how is your ex answering you? They're probably not too comforting, right?

Think about all the painful, hurtful things they will say...think about the validated rejection you will feel and rewaken....think about it until your stomach starts to feel like it's made of lead...think how they will answer you; the cold, condescending tone to their voice, the total apathy in their words. Okay, now that you have imagined this phone call actually taking place, and the answers your ex has given you, AND THE OUTCOME OF THE CALL, how does it make you feel? Probably pretty shitty, stupid, lacking in dignity, and feeling clingy and insecure, right? DON'T MAKE THE CALL!  Go for a walk instead, truly. Every time you want to call your ex, or contact your ex...GO FOR A WALK! It helps, trust me.

Does that help?

And if you do call your ex, what do you hope to accomplish? To hear his/her voice? To really find out how he/she is doing? Or are you hoping that he/she wants to rekindle things?

Whatever your reasons, the end result will be pain, unless you are in the 1% minority that can deal well with contacting their ex.

And if you call and your ex snubs you (which they most likely will), you will feel bad.

If you call and he/she tells you they are dating another, you will feel bad. Or what if you call and someone of the opposite sex answers their phone? You would be devastated!

I cannot see any positives to contacting an ex who does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore. You are asking for the wounds to be re-opened. We know that it is hard to be happy when your whole world is turned upside down without them by your side. Most likely if your ex initiated the breakup they are handling it far better than you are. They know that they could probably win you back if they wanted, and they are not dealing with the pain of rejection or of abandonment as you may be. Add to this, they might naturally be in a 'pulling away' mode - or an 'anti-you' state-of-mind - which takes some strategic actions on your side to get them to come back around to wanting to be near you and not 'away' from you. This is discussed more at Stop Ending Relationships.

Your choice, with all the ramifications of your actions squarely on your shoulders. In my opinion? Grieve silently regarding your ex. Miss them, and cry over them as much as you want to. But don't call them. Give your ex back to themselves and focus on you. You are only thinking of your ex because you are deflecting your thoughts away from you, your life, your interests.

Our breakup support community is a great place to post when you need the strength to NOT MAKE THAT CALL!

Read 'A call of insanity' - one woman's hysterically funny experience with calling her ex-boyfriend.

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Article brought to you by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru

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