Handling St. Valentine's Day after a Breakup

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The Philosophy of a Breakup
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· How to Kill a Relationship
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The Lighter Side of Breaking Up
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· The Breakup Bumper Sticker
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Are You Addicted to a Commitment Phobic Man?

St. Valentine's Day Self-Massacre
by Sister Alexx

For those of us who are tripping and stumbling through the confusion and pain of loss, "holidays" present us with a unique and piercing kind of 'ultra-pain'. Especially, I believe, the "holiday" that occurs on February 14th…you know, the day when we're 'supposed' to give and receive all the love and joy that's in our hearts (not to mention all the Hallmark cards, expensive chocolates and bunches of red roses that florists are basing their year's worth of income on!) Yes folks; today is THE DAY….the 24-hour span of time where we're not only EXPECTED to express our adoration for our 'significant other', but where, without one, we're GUARANTEED to feel even more lost, more confused and more distraught by the LACK of said adoration. It's like having a "Bonus Day" of pain; an extra little twist of the knife to remind us that we've been dumped unceremoniously by the person who claimed to love us forever and ever…

Or, of course, until something better came by.

DO NOT BE DECEIVED! This is a ridiculous day; a day where we are once again lured into the glaring spotlight of commercialism and greed; where we're meant to feel insignificant if we don't cooperate with the 'powers that be' by abiding the rules set up for us in the name of all that is silly, impossible, and unrealistic.

ONE DAY? We've got ONE LOUSY DAY to express our love for another? Wait a second, my friends, can we not see the flaw in this way of thinking? To actually take the bait and allow ourselves to believe that we're suddenly missing MORE than we already were is ludicrous and wrong. We're no different and no worse off today than we were yesterday…or will be tomorrow (well, there IS a chance that tomorrow will be better, but let's leave that for another day's sermon). Just realize one thing: if we as human beings are stupid enough to believe that showing someone our love on February 14th is the right and honorable thing to do, then we've just allowed a full 364 days to fall by the wayside, wasted and unused. There's simply no time limit on love; it's either present moment-to-moment, or it isn't! If EVERY DAY cannot be a day where we're expressing our love toward another, then we're missing the entire point of what love is and what purpose it has in our lives.

Imagine the time we waste when we choose to see things through the eyes of those that are blinded by greed and selfish concerns. What if we chose to think and see for ourselves, instead? Could we not choose to celebrate EVERY day; ANY DAY for ANY reason!?? Is it not possible for us to decide for OURSELVES that there's no restriction on the love in our hearts; no set time and date for our love to bubble up and overflow into the life of another? What if we had no February 14th? Would we then be void of all expression of love?

Of course this is a bit radical, I'll admit it. Yet my point is to show you that just because someone decided that THIS DAY is a day of LOVE, that changes nothing in our present situation. If we are indeed in pain today, then that pain is no greater than what it is already. We needn't allow ourselves to sink further into the pit just because somebody out there is trying to make a buck! How could we be that cruel to ourselves when the reality is so very ironic? Can we possibly allow our already stressed out minds to believe that today means that we're 'worse off' because some fool out there is spending $300 on a dozen red roses? We're not! It's an illusion, and as such, it's got absolutely no bearing whatsoever on our current situations. Please see that as reality, folks; for it's the truth as plainly spoken as is humanly possible.

If anything is too easy, then it's likely not to be the least bit worthwhile. Falling deeper into the pit of despair over the sight of the shape of a heart is WAY too easy to do, fellow sufferers, so clearly it's a huge waste of time. Why not use the energy we use to hurt ourselves to HELP ourselves, instead? Why not use the extra 'bonus pain' as fuel to power our OWN rules; rules that are made by us, about us, and for the benefit of our mental well-being?

I'm making a new rule for myself, right here and right now. Today is "I LOVE ALEXX DAY"….and it's a GOOD day; a LUCKY day; and a day where I don't need hearts and flowers and chocolate and mere gestures to PROVE TO MYSELF that I do, indeed, value and love myself first and foremost. (Okay, maybe a little chocolate wouldn't hurt, but it's not absolute NECESSITY!). How about choosing February 14th, as the year and the day that you made the clear-cut decision to scoff at the masses and think for yourself? Why not make this the first year of your annual tradition to remember that February 14th was the day you decided to start loving yourself FIRST AND FOREMOST…and that your self-love was FAR more important than any solicited love. That solicited love, my friends, won't be worth a nickel unless you're already completely in love with yourself, first. Unless you can say that you love YOU (and mean it), then you will truly never know the joy of loving another, for you can't love another unless you first love the YOU that is giving the love! Who can truly know how you need to be loved but you yourself? Someone else? Never! Then you see, friends, how vastly important it is to make a rule that today will be a day where you decide to look at the most valuable person in your life; YOURSELF; and let today be the day that you embrace that person passionately and wholeheartedly.

This is what everything ultimately boils down to in life, I daresay. It's difficult to think of one single life-situation where the need for self-love isn't obviously apparent. There is no instance where you can truly exist on a REAL LEVEL without having honest to goodness self love first. There will always be a leak where the self isn't completely sealed. We're not that different than our plumbing, you see, we simply can't function optimally with cracks and leaks. Allowing plumbing to remain unfixed could spell disaster to our homes. Allowing our inner-selves to remain unfixed will ultimately spell certain disaster for our hearts.

So today is the day; NOT for grieving, but for solace. Today is the perfect day to look at the person who is hurting inside of you and to reach out and hold that person; tell that special person that they're NOT alone! As long as you are there, you are never alone. As long as you understand this and act on this, your chance for future healthy relationships increase dramatically. It starts with YOU and it starts today.

We need no candy nor flowers in order to be whole. We simply need to love ourselves with the ferocity and power that we believe we've loved another; yet until we accept our OWN LOVE, there will be no other….at least not one that will be worthy of our unconditional affection. No, friends, we need our own love first, and today is "MY DAY" to love ME; I pray it will be yours, too.

I love me! And I love YOU, too!

Sister Alexx, member of the Lifted Hearts Community xoxoxoxoxo