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Breakup
The Philosophy of a Breakup
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Maybe it's not
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to Kill a Relationship
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Maintaining Your Dignity
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Things to
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Breakups
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Breaking
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· Break Up? Here's to YOU!
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Commitment-Phobe-Hee-Haw
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The 8 Stages of Relationships
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The Lighter Side of Breaking Up
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Your Breakup Look
· Proverbs
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Instant
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The Healing Side of a Breakup
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Singlehood is GOOD!
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Does
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How
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Meeting Someone New (or
Old)
· Dating Tips
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Communication...
what?
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St. Valentine's Day Self-Massacre
by Sister Alexx
For those of us who are tripping and stumbling through the confusion
and pain of loss, "holidays" present us with a unique and piercing kind of
'ultra-pain'. Especially, I believe, the "holiday" that occurs on February
14th…you know, the day when we're 'supposed' to give and receive all
the love and joy that's in our hearts (not to mention all the Hallmark cards,
expensive chocolates and bunches of red roses that florists are basing their
year's worth of income on!) Yes folks; today is THE DAY….the 24-hour
span of time where we're not only EXPECTED to express our adoration for our
'significant other', but where, without one, we're GUARANTEED to feel even
more lost, more confused and more distraught by the LACK of said adoration.
It's like having a "Bonus Day" of pain; an extra little twist of the knife
to remind us that we've been dumped unceremoniously by the person who claimed
to love us forever and ever…
Or, of course, until something better came by.
DO NOT BE DECEIVED! This is a ridiculous day; a day where we are once again
lured into the glaring spotlight of commercialism and greed; where we're
meant to feel insignificant if we don't cooperate with the 'powers that be'
by abiding the rules set up for us in the name of all that is silly, impossible,
and unrealistic.
ONE DAY? We've got ONE LOUSY DAY to express our love for another? Wait a
second, my friends, can we not see the flaw in this way of thinking? To actually
take the bait and allow ourselves to believe that we're suddenly missing
MORE than we already were is ludicrous and wrong. We're no different and
no worse off today than we were yesterday…or will be tomorrow (well,
there IS a chance that tomorrow will be better, but let's leave that for
another day's sermon). Just realize one thing: if we as human beings are
stupid enough to believe that showing someone our love on February 14th is
the right and honorable thing to do, then we've just allowed a full 364 days
to fall by the wayside, wasted and unused. There's simply no time limit on
love; it's either present moment-to-moment, or it isn't! If EVERY DAY cannot
be a day where we're expressing our love toward another, then we're missing
the entire point of what love is and what purpose it has in our lives.
Imagine the time we waste when we choose to see things through the eyes of
those that are blinded by greed and selfish concerns. What if we chose to
think and see for ourselves, instead? Could we not choose to celebrate EVERY
day; ANY DAY for ANY reason!?? Is it not possible for us to decide for OURSELVES
that there's no restriction on the love in our hearts; no set time and date
for our love to bubble up and overflow into the life of another? What if
we had no February 14th? Would we then be void of all expression of love?
Of course this is a bit radical, I'll admit it. Yet my point is to show you
that just because someone decided that THIS DAY is a day of LOVE, that changes
nothing in our present situation. If we are indeed in pain today, then that
pain is no greater than what it is already. We needn't allow ourselves to
sink further into the pit just because somebody out there is trying to make
a buck! How could we be that cruel to ourselves when the reality is so very
ironic? Can we possibly allow our already stressed out minds to believe that
today means that we're 'worse off' because some fool out there is spending
$300 on a dozen red roses? We're not! It's an illusion, and as such, it's
got absolutely no bearing whatsoever on our current situations. Please see
that as reality, folks; for it's the truth as plainly spoken as is humanly
possible.
If anything is too easy, then it's likely not to be the least bit worthwhile.
Falling deeper into the pit of despair over the sight of the shape of a heart
is WAY too easy to do, fellow sufferers, so clearly it's a huge waste of
time. Why not use the energy we use to hurt ourselves to HELP ourselves,
instead? Why not use the extra 'bonus pain' as fuel to power our OWN rules;
rules that are made by us, about us, and for the benefit of our mental
well-being?
I'm making a new rule for myself, right here and right now. Today is "I LOVE
ALEXX DAY"….and it's a GOOD day; a LUCKY day; and a day where I don't
need hearts and flowers and chocolate and mere gestures to PROVE TO MYSELF
that I do, indeed, value and love myself first and foremost. (Okay, maybe
a little chocolate wouldn't hurt, but it's not absolute NECESSITY!). How
about choosing February 14th, 2004 as the year and the day that you made
the clear-cut decision to scoff at the masses and think for yourself? Why
not make this the first year of your annual tradition to remember that February
14th was the day you decided to start loving yourself FIRST AND
FOREMOST…and that your self-love was FAR more important than any solicited
love. That solicited love, my friends, won't be worth a nickel unless you're
already completely in love with yourself, first. Unless you can say that
you love YOU (and mean it), then you will truly never know the joy of loving
another, for you can't love another unless you first love the YOU that is
giving the love! Who can truly know how you need to be loved but you yourself?
Someone else? Never! Then you see, friends, how vastly important it is to
make a rule that today will be a day where you decide to look at the most
valuable person in your life; YOURSELF; and let today be the day that you
embrace that person passionately and wholeheartedly.
This is what everything ultimately boils down to in life, I daresay. It's
difficult to think of one single life-situation where the need for self-love
isn't obviously apparent. There is no instance where you can truly exist
on a REAL LEVEL without having honest to goodness self love first. There
will always be a leak where the self isn't completely sealed. We're not that
different than our plumbing, you see, we simply can't function optimally
with cracks and leaks. Allowing plumbing to remain unfixed could spell disaster
to our homes. Allowing our inner-selves to remain unfixed will ultimately
spell certain disaster for our hearts.
So today is the day; NOT for grieving, but for solace. Today is the perfect
day to look at the person who is hurting inside of you and to reach out and
hold that person; tell that special person that they're NOT alone! As long
as you are there, you are never alone. As long as you understand this and
act on this, your chance for future healthy relationships increase dramatically.
It starts with YOU and it starts today.
We need no candy nor flowers in order to be whole. We simply need to love
ourselves with the ferocity and power that we believe we've loved another;
yet until we accept our OWN LOVE, there will be no other….at least not
one that will be worthy of our unconditional affection. No, friends, we need
our own love first, and today is "MY DAY" to love ME; I pray it will be yours,
too.
I love me! And I love YOU, too!
Sister Alexx, member of the Lifted Hearts Community xoxoxoxoxo
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