10 Breakup Must-Do's
1. Be Realistic
Don't over-exaggerate your ex's good points and under-acknowledge their bad.
Do not put your ex on a pedestal!
The funny thing about being 'dumped' is that we unconsciously build up our
ex's worth in our minds. We start to make them into better beings than they
really are, erroneously making them to be more powerful and 'needed' influences
in our lives. Unfortunately, while we are building them up to Higher Power
status in our minds, they are ripping our worth to shreds in order to find
the strength to leave us.
2. Accept It
Accept that the breakup did occur and that the relationship is over. By refusing
to accept this you are only lengthening the grief process. You cannot keep
a relationship alive in your 'head' by denying the breakup occurred, or by
thing about the relationship and rehashing things over and over. Whether
you accept it or not the facts still remain: You have broken up. The relationship
is over. And you will be okay. I promise you!
3. Put You First
If you don't find value in you, who will? Pamper and love yourself first
and foremost. This is not the time to turn your back on you, but rather a
time to embrace you. God made your arms just long enough to embrace yourself.
Try it. No one is looking! Go ahead and put your arms around you and give
yourself a huge, cradling hug! Of all the people in your life, you are the
only one that will never abandon you.
4. Write Your Thoughts Down
Start your own personal journal about your journey from your heartbreak to
'better-than-ever'. I know one man who kept a record of his breakup by posting
on the Lifted Hearts break up board at http://liftedhearts.com, starting
from his devastating beginning days, to his healed and in love again days,
and then turned them into an awesome book of self-discovery and hope. You
can find a great source made specifically for journaling through your breakup
with the book, My Breakup Keepsake, found at http://mybreakupkeepsake.com.
5. Forgive Him or Her
Find forgiveness for your ex - and for yourself. It is impossible to heal
without forgiveness. Understand that your ex isn't looking to hurt you, but
rather looking to find his or her own happiness.
6. Accept That You Love Them
Recognize that you cannot will yourself to not love someone. You loved your
ex, and perhaps you always will. Quit beating yourself up over the fact and
quit trying to find the magic bullet that will slay your love. It's okay
to love someone that you are not with, and may never be with, but it's not
okay to try to fall out of love with someone.
7. Make a Plan
Get a goal and implement it. Plan out your new goal and start with step on,
not finishing until you've accomplished the final step. This goal could be
to write a book, grow a garden, change careers, go back to school, or lose
having a goal gives you something to focus on and work
towards. It keeps you from dwelling on what was and keeps you avidly looking
forward to what 'will' be.
8. Change It Up
Get rid of the same-ol'-same! Alter your routine, rearrange your home, or
remodel a room. Get a new hairdo, buy a new car, volunteer at a local
. anything that changes your typical lifestyle can be most rewarding
during a breakup. Sometimes the old and the 'familiar' can be devastatingly
sad when going through the transition from two to one, so change it up!
9. Keep Yourself Clean - and You Know What I Mean!
This is not the time to turn to alcohol, drugs, or one-nights stands in a
feeble attempt to kill your pain. It only adds to your problems and can end
up being a permanent reminder to a temporary situation. Even simple things
such as energy drinks or too much caffeine can cause anxiety or escalate
out-of-hand emotions to full-blown panic attacks - which are a very common
occurrence during a breakup. Learn to cope with out-of-hand emotions by
spirituality, soothing music, sipping tea, taking a 'time-out', reading a
book, or - my favorite - walking! I walked myself into the sexiest legs and
prettiest tan during my breakup. What an added bonus that was!
10. Date Again
Don't worry about all the advice you hear about waiting to date again. Most
of it's bunk. Dating again gets you out of the house, where breakup depression
can fester and turn into something far worse. Dating again always restores
a shattered ego, which is a very common by-product of a breakup. Dating again
may also show you that there are millions of other people out there that
can be as wonderful as your ex, or perhaps even more wonderful! If you open
your heart back up and let new people in you will feel better.
By Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru